Overcome resistance to change

I write a lot about how the only way to get away from something we don't like is to CHANGE.

But change is really hard!

There are several real reasons why change is hard and they're all down do how our brains are designed.

Our brains are not designed for change:

Our brains are designed for 2 things: keeping us safe and continuing the human race.

Our brains are NOT designed to make us happy.

Our brains are programmed to keep everything the same!

If our brains can avoid change, avoid risk and steer clear of problems, it thinks it is keeping us safe.

If any of these things happen, it can set off a fear response which can lead to fight/flight/freeze physiological responses.

The problem is our brain has not evolved, so it is still responding as if that was a life or death situation - a tiger - it needs to avoid, not a 2022 type problem.

Our brains are LAZY!

The thinking & decision making parts of our brain use a lot of energy, so in order to preserve energy there are lots of shortcuts our brain takes, and it will always do the easiest thing.

This is why things like habits form - which mean you can do some things on "autopilot" - to save energy.

It also means shortcuts in thinking:

  • Generalising - making an assumption based on a really small set of information, leading to "always, never, everyone, nobody…" type thoughts
  • Deletions - it can't process all the data so it will collect information which proves it right, and delete information that proves it wrong
  • Distortions - it will filter information through all our previous experiences, beliefs, values etc and store its own version. That's why people will remember different versions of the same experience

Making change means over riding the shortcuts and so our brains will resist in order to save energy.

How to overcome the natural resistance to making change:

  1. Understand the impact of the current problem, and the benefits of making the change
    If the benefits don't outweigh the challenge of the change, then you are not likely to be able to make the change stick, so really think about what you are going to be, do or have when you make the change, and how that is better than what you currently be, do or have.
    If you're making change because you think you "should" then you are not doing it for the right reasons!
  2. Identify the potential obstacles
    You know there will be natural resistance to making change, so identifying what any obstacles might be, AND how you will mitigate them happening, or deal with them if they arise, before you start is much easier than when you're feeling the resistance
  3. Change your perspective
    "you can't fix the problem with the same thoughts as it was created" according to Einstein, so how could you think about it differently?
    We often use the rational part of our brains when trying to change, but if we can include the creative parts too (think brainstorming), we will tend to get a much wider range of possibilities which could lead to completely different solutions. If you're really stuck, think of someone you admire and imagine what they'd tell you to do
  4. Commitment
    You need to be fully committed to making the change from the start, because there will always be challenges, and maybe times you want to give up, so you need to be able to call upon that commitment to keep going. Telling others your plans will also help to keep you accountable.
  5. Be realistic
    Don't expect change to be massive and/or quick. The most successful change is usually gradual - small steps, with consistent action. If you have a "bad day" no problem, start again the next day. If things go "wrong" no problem, learn from them and change what you were doing.
  6. Be open minded
    If something else comes along that you didn't originally think of - don't rule it out because its not on the plan! As long as you make a conscious decision to change direction then it’s the right thing!

And always remember: we do the best we can with the information and resources we have at the time, so you can never look back with regret but you can always learn from things.

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