"I should do that because…."
"You're should-ing all over yourself!"
The first time I heard this 🤣🤔💡🙄
Its amazing how sometimes one small sentence can cause so many emotions and stay with us for a long time, maybe forever
I'm hoping this is one that stays with me forever, because it absolutely sums up my old thinking habits, and I never want to go back there again!
🤣 it made me properly belly laugh
🤔 it made me think
💡 it made me recognise that I really did spend most of my time thinking what I "should" be doing rather than what I actually wanted to do
🙄 I realised it had been a life long habit, oh dear…
But here's the great thing - once you're aware of a habit, you can choose to change it
I mean its impossible to change something you don't know about right!?!
So why do we "should" all over ourselves?
Its basically another evolutionary thing that we've not yet managed to let go of - the need to belong, to be part of a group (in evolutionary terms for protection)
We store up all the rules given to us by our family, our friends, our school, our work, society…
About how we "should" think, feel and behave
In order to be accepted
Because if we don't, we risk rejection
How does that work?
Because our brains are efficient, they store these rules in our subconscious, to save us having to spend energy thinking about the reasons any more
Then we find ourselves making decisions and doing things because we "should" rather than because we actually want to, because our subconscious is making those decisions, cutting out the middleman - our thinking minds.
Holding us back like invisible strings on a puppet.
So how do we break the cycle?
Firstly, notice every time you (or others) say the word "should" - you'll start hearing it everywhere now!
Then remember the phrase "are you shoulding all over yourself?" a little trigger to maybe make you laugh but also remind you to think
Then ask yourself "should according to who" - if you listen very closely you'll probably hear an answer like "Mum" or "Mrs Smith from English year 2" or "my best friend" or the vague "they" or "everyone"
Then ask yourself if you really want to do it, or if you're doing it to keep them happy (even though they may well not even be there!)?
Then ask yourself again whether you really want to do it and listen for your instinctive answer (may make you feel really uncomfy when you hear it, but try!)
And make the conscious decision for yourself…
What do you mean?
It's a bit abstract, so here's an example of a "should" conversation in my head:
Me: I shouldn't buy that thing
Coach me: Why not?
Me: Because it’s a waste of money
Coach me: According to who?
Me: Oh. Dad's voice
Coach me: Do I want to buy it?
Me: Yes, because its adding value in my life, even though it wouldn’t add value in his
Coach me: Now what?
Me: I give myself permission to make my own decision, doesn't matter what others think. Yes, I'm going to buy it! (or sometimes "no I'm not" but for my own reasons)
Where are you "should-ing all over yourself" and who's opinion is that really?
What is it stopping you from doing?
Connect with me or comment below, I'd love to know!
And if you know something needs to change, but are not sure what, click here to download my free workbook: from Stuck To Thriving, to help you identify where to start!