I am not your doormat

A huge number of us in this world are "people pleasers"

We love to help other people - but we often do it at the detriment of ourselves.

Do any of these sound familiar to you?

  • I need to be nice to people even if I'm in a bad mood
  • I feel selfish if I do something for myself
  • I go over and over everything I do and say, concerned how it might cause others to react or think about me
  • I love positive feedback, but negative feedback hits me hard and can take a long time to get over
  • I can't say no to requests from others, even if I don't really have the resources to complete the request

Conflict management

Most of us avoid conflict, mainly because it makes us feel really uncomfortable, and it can lead to any number of fears coming up in our brains….

But imagine how much easier life would be if you no longer felt the need to avoid situations just in case any conflict arose?

Well there are 7 main ways that people can manage conflict, but they are definitely not all equal!

Some will lead to more productive outcomes, but some are sometimes needed just to move forwards from difficult situations.

Do it for yourself, not because you 'should'

So you think you want to do something, be something, have something, change something…

Now ask yourself these series of questions (probably easiest if you write down your answers or talk them through with someone else):

  1. What will being / doing / having / changing that thing do for me?
  2. And what will being / doing / having / changing that thing do for me?
  3. And what will being / doing / having / changing that thing do for me?
  4. And what will being / doing / having / changing that thing do for me?
  5. And what will being / doing / having / changing that thing do for me?

Stop avoiding difficult conversations

With 70% of people avoiding difficult conversations and over 90% of employees reporting staying silent in challenging conversations over the last 18 months we really need to think of the personal cost to this avoidance.

There are a huge number of reasons that people avoid difficult conversations, but in the end most of them come down to some kind of fear:

  • Fear of rejection
  • Fear of their reaction
  • Fear of how others might interpret what we say
  • Fear of feeling or looking stupid
  • Fear of being perceived as greedy

Etc etc

But have we ever really considered what this is costing us?

Overcome resistance to change

I write a lot about how the only way to get away from something we don't like is to CHANGE.

But change is really hard!

There are several real reasons why change is hard and they're all down do how our brains are designed.

Our brains are not designed for change:

Our brains are designed for 2 things: keeping us safe and continuing the human race.

Our brains are NOT designed to make us happy.

Our brains are programmed to keep everything the same!

If our brains can avoid change, avoid risk and steer clear of problems, it thinks it is keeping us safe.

Avoid Holiday Season Burnout

1. Let go of perfect!

✘ Perfect is such hard work, takes so much extra effort and adds even more time pressure

✔ Decide what's "good enough" and do only that

❗ Remember: Done is so much better than perfect!

2. Share out the activities - ask others to help!

✘ There are so many things to do during the holidays - but you don't have to personally do them all!

✔ Work out what needs doing, then talk to everyone involved and agree who will do what